I have had many jobs and worn many hats in my life.
I scooped ice cream at Baskin Robbins.
I was a hostess at Golden Corral.
I waited tables in a Texas steakhouse.
I managed a sports bar.
I trained waitstaff for an upscale hotel.
I worked in the ER.
I worked on a ambulance.
I was a bartender, a cocktail waitress, a day care worker.
I've sold insurance.
I've sold advertising.
I worked in a psychiatric hospital.
I owned an elder care company.
I've worked the farmers market, in an auto repair shop, sold on eBay, craft shows & flea markets.
And even with all these jobs, I was only fired once in my life.
That's another story for another day,
But it had nothing do do with me or my job performance.
I now hold the most difficult and challenging job title in the world...
Being a mother is hard enough, but throw that little "step" word in front of it and it becomes 100 times more difficult.
Let me start by saying that I love all of our kids as if I carried them each in my womb.
They all live with us 100% of the time.
They all have the same rules,
same consequences, same expectations & same affection.
I don't introduce my brood by saying "Bob, George, Spot & Frank & Suzy are mine, But Fred? Well, Fred is my step-son."
I don't see them that way.
I love them all the same.
I treat them all the same.
Or so I thought...
When I am dealing with my natural-born children,
I am the be-all end-all.
I am Mom.
Right or wrong, perfect of not, that's the way it is, so you better just learn to deal with it.
It is black and white.
Right or wrong.
Yes or no.
Being a step-parent is full of gray, full of self-doubt, full of questioning.
I may be far from perfect,
but I am a very confident mother.
I am, however, the total opposite as a step-mom.
I don't let it show... they can smell fear and doubt ya know!
I'm always being mindful that it doesn't appear (to him OR the other children) that I am treating him different.
If he gets into trouble and I discipline him, does he think I'm harder on him than the other kids because he is not "mine"?
If he doesn't get into too much trouble, do the other kids think I am showing him favoritism because he's not "mine"?
Just this past week.... being a head-strong, attitude-filled, cocky, testosterone-filled teenager, he said something very disrespectful and nasty to me.
I was shocked,
I was angry,
I was hurt.
If my natural-born, head-strong, attitude-filled, cocky, testosterone-filled teenager had said it, I would have, without hesitation, smacked his mouth clean off of his face!!
But, with my step-son, I did not.
I gave him a VERY large piece of my mind.
He was disciplined and punished.
His father threatened great bodily harm if it every happened again.
And then he scolded me for not knocking his block off.
(His father is working out of state, so this is done by phone.)
I'm not sure why it is different, but it IS different.
His natural mother is not involved in his life, so it's not that.
I am not new, I've been in his life for a long time. So I don't think that's it.
He is a good kid.
He, as most teenage boys, gets stupid and mouthy at times. But nothing more than is "normal".
It isn't that he is more of a problem than my natural-born son.
It's just different.
I pride myself in my confidence... or at least the appearance of confidence.
I hate feeling so unsure of my every move!
And the worst part is....
I'm doing it to myself!
I don't know if it can change, or if it ever will change.
I don't know if all step-parents feel this way,
Or if I just suck.
Isn't there a Step-parenting for Idiots book out there??
If so, please send me a copy. STAT!!
Thanks for listening/reading my whine-fest.
It's just one of those weeks, I guess...
It'll get better someday.... RIGHT???
*tap* *tap* *tap* Is this thing on??
2 years ago