September 15, 2010


I am the mother to many children.
I try to do the best I can.
I try to teach them right from wrong.
I praise them when they make the right decisions.
I disciple them when they choose the wrong path.

I have good kids.
I have one.

One who, no matter what I say or do, simply MUST test everything.
One who MUST do the exact opposite of anything I tell him to do.
One that has decided he can and will only learn things the "hard way".
One who gives the word defiant a whole new meaning.

I have grounded.
I have taken beloved items away.
I have lectured.
I have begged.
I have yelled.
I have threatened great bodily harm.
I've cried.
I've talked rationally.
I've and rambled irrationally.
He doesn't care.

Now, this child is NOT a little boy.
He is an older teenager.
He does NOT do drugs.
He does NOT drink.
But he is enamored by those who do.

He has started, not only defying his father and I at home.
But now he is bucking the system at school.
He is not only breaking our rules.
Now, he has decided to break school rules as well.

I am at the end of my rope.
I am at a loss.
I don't know what else to do.

He is not a bad kid...

But if  he continues to make the type of decisions he is making now...
I'm afraid he's gonna end up in big trouble!
Trouble we cannot help him out of...
Trouble he can't fix....
Trouble that can ruin his life.

What is a parent to do when she is watching her kid run full force towards a cliff, and he won't listen to her as she screams...  STOP!!!!

June 11, 2010

How Far I've Fallen.

It has happened.
I am officially a Baseball Mom.

I now have 2 players in All-Star tournaments.
This means...

I am running to no less than 10 practices per week.....
at different times and different locations....

I am in very real danger of dislocating my shoulder hauling around a cooler full of ice and water...

I spend at least 3 hours per week frantically looking for a lost mitt, or batting glove, or special yellow sock before games...

My new signature scent is a combination of Deep Woods Off bug spray and Banana Boat sunscreen...

I am now a professional red-clay-stain-getter-outter-of-white-baseball-pants (Cascade Dishwasher Soap, Yo!)...

I know the location of every bathroom at every baseball park within driving distance of our farm, AND I can tell ya which stalls are clean and have working locks...

I no longer have a name... I will be forever called #33's Mom or #13's Mom....

I have bruised palms from clapping and a raspy voice from cheering...

I actually OWN a shirt that says..... "Ben's Mom" & "Brooke's Mom" with cute little baseball logos across the front...

I am one of those women I used to point and giggle at!

Karma..... it's a bitch!

P.S , If you see me running around town in a mini van, picking up purple Pom-Poms, Gatorade, And orange slices please PLEASE shoot me.

April 26, 2010

My Parenting Awesomeness Knows No Bounds!

Me to teenage son = "You need to turn your music down at night... there is no reason to have it that loud."

Teenage son to me = "You need to have quieter sex at night mom... there is no reason to make so much noise."

Me to teenage son = "Rock On Dude!"

April 12, 2010

That time laying on a table half naked surrounded by three strange men was NOT sexy!

The Man-of-My-Dreams is working out of the country.
He is gone in Kazakhstan for 28 days, then he comes home for 28 days.

It is working out quite well, actually. Just about the time he's sick and tired of being gone, it's time to come home.
Then, when he starts to get on my last nerve, it's time for him to go back to work.

It's also great because we get to have a honeymoon every time he returns.
By the time his time away is over, we are very VERY ready for some quality "alone" time. *wink* *wink*

I've decided to have a surprise waiting for him each time he returns home, a little something special just for him.

This trip home was no different, I remembered one time long ago when he mentioned that he thought nipple piercings were sexy.
You know, that whole... lady outside and a wild woman/slut in the bedroom thing?
Shiny, naughty, nipple rings would certainly work for that!

After much thought, I decided that would be my surprise.

I'll admit that the thought of intentionally sticking a very sharp object through those very sensitive bits of my body, never really has crossed my mind.

But, the way I see it, If it's something that my man will enjoy, find sexy, and I'm not strongly opposed to it... Why not?

I Googled nipple piercing.
I Googled Pain with nipple piercings.
I Googled nipple piercing aftercare.
I Googled licensed piercers.
I Googled Nipple Piercing pain.... again.
I Googled Nipple numbing techniques. (none by the way!)

Then I made my appointment.
I wanted to get em done a few weeks before my man came home, so they would have some time to heal a bit before he got home and wanted to "play".

I went by myself to the piercing studio.
There were two younger guys there.
I walked in and they immediately knew who I was...
Your that Wife Swap lady!!!
My mom loves your episode! He got on the phone with his mother.
"Oh Great" I thought....
"Now everyone in my tiny town will know that this 38yr old mother of 5 is getting her nipples pierced!"

The head piercer walked in right after me.
He was tattooed from head to toe.
But he had a calming and very professional air about him.

He looked at my nipples and explained what size and gauge needle I should have for the best results (14 gauge).
Then he asked if the two younger guys could watch because they were learning.
Heck! I've nursed 4 kids!
More people have seen my nipples than have seen the Dodgers play baseball!
So, I told him it was fine.

I asked him if I needed to get my girls "happy" before the piercing...
I mean... wouldn't it be easier to stab a sharp needle through something erect than something soft and flat?
He explained that the alcohol he was gonna wipe them with would take care of that... And it did.

He wiped them clean and made little marks with his marker while I was standing up, then he had me lay on the table.
This is when my nerves really started to kick in!

Here I was.... Laying naked from the waist up, on a table, surrounded by three strange men.
The piercer was explaining his every move to his trainees and I was trying to resist the urge to get up and run out of the door.

1.... he said.
3... STAB!

WOW!! it hurt.
It hurt BAD!
But it was over quickly.
Then he stabbed the ring through the fresh hole.
That hurt too!
But I lived.

"That wasn't so bad" I told him.
"Oh, the next one will hurt more" he explained....
apparently, my endorphins surged with the first piercing, and helped dull the pain.
I wouldn't have those with the second one.

It Took My Breath Away!!
I Saw JESUS!!!
I kicked my legs.
I thought I was gonna scream!
But I didn't.

Thank God I don't have three nipples, cause that last sucker would be hole-less!

My new holes are about a month old now...
The healing process has been easier than I thought it would be.
Wearing a bra 24/7 that first week was a God-Send!

Now I have shiny little rings through my nipples.
I am thrilled with them.
So Is the Man-of-My-Dreams!

It has defiantly brought some excitement to our sex-life.
It's like we have our own naughty little secret.
well..... we DID have a naughty little secret until this post...