October 14, 2008

Not very nice.

I used to think I was a nice person.
Most people like me.
I can get along with most anyone.
I am pretty non-judgmental.
I love children.
I love animals.

I sound like a pretty damn nice person right?

I was sitting in the Mall the other day letting my youngest fruit from my loins ride up and down the escalator 700 times, people watching.
I love people watching...
People are fun to watch.
My thoughts sounded something like this....

Oooh she has cute boots on! I want some boots like that!
But my stupid calves are way too fat to pull em off... the skinny hag!

Oh my... those children are homely. Have you noticed how ugly children are getting? I am lucky my children are not that ugly.....
it's all a game of numbers, more ugly children = more ugly adults.
Those ugly adults will breed then well just be the country full of people who look like extras from that Deliverance movie!! Oh dear!

I wonder if that poor woman knows that those short belly-button showing tank tops are NOT made for people with bodies like ours?

If my daughter went out of the house looking like that I'd KILL her!!.. well, I'd smack her silly, THEN kill her.

I bet he beats his wife.

Pull up your pants!

Wow that perfume is strong.... smells like a whore house!

Too much make-up.

Pluck your eyebrows darling.

etc etc etc

Now..... Keep in mind that I am fully aware that I am nowhere near perfect....
And yet, I found myself internally thrashing these people while they walked by.

I am not that nice of a person....
But you don't know that!

are you?

September 29, 2008

Oh THIS is wonderful!

I am the mother of several children, most of whom are of the male persuasion.
My eldest testosterone laden young man is 16 years old and has his first serious,

Lets suck face & I wanna stick my tongue down your throat till I can taste your toe-jam girlfriend.

I knew this phase was unavoidable.
I have been preparing myself for it to start.
I thought I was dealing with it all fairly well.
I laid down the rules.
I watch them closely, but from a distance too, if that makes any sense.
He says he won't have sex for years because he is not ready, and she feels the same
(for this minute at least) **rolling eyes**

She is a good girl.
He is a good boy.
But, I don't like it.

I have come to the conclusion that all 15-17 year old girls are slut-whores.
Yep, I said it... they are slut-whores who are after MY boys!
They call my house at 11pm.
They send notes to them pledging their undying love.
They wears their pants too tight.
They wear their shorts too short.
They wear too much make-up.
And they are WAY more developed than girls that age were when I was a young teen!!
(except for me.... the Boob fairy came to me when I was 12.. I was a 12 yr old full D-cup!! I was NOT amused!)

My boys girlfriend lived about 30miles away from our house, a fact that I loved!
Until today!
Her family moved into a house 4 doors down from ours today!!
I am NOT impressed!
Of course the love-birds are thrilled!
They are planning their afternoons together.
They are making plans for every week-end for the rest of their lives spent together.

I however, see many attitude-filled loud "discussions" with a certain 16 year old boy in my future.
I foresee door frames knocked loose by slamming of the doors by this soon to be angry young-man when his evil bitchy mother does not allow him to spend every waking moment with his true love.

I believe my hard-earned title of greatest mom on the planet will quickly be replaced with the Hag who is trying to ruin his life!

Oh yeah....
Happy Monday!!!

September 25, 2008

Hi from the Time-Out Chair!

I am a wife.
I am a mom.
I am a daughter.
I am a sister.
I am a friend.
I am a blogger.

I am, quite frankly, kind of sick of doing what I "should".
Saying things the way I "should".
Leading by example.
And all that crap that comes with being a good wife and a good mother.

I miss the kinda raunchy girl-talk that I used to have with my girlfriends.
You know the talks I speak of....
you say whats on your mind,
giving NO thought to little ears listening in,
not a care of what others may think,
just letting it all hang out..
pretty or not.

In this blog, I will be speaking from my Time-Out Chair.
I can say what I want HOW I want!
I am NOT a role model here!
I am NOT teaching you anything.
I am NOT gonna bite my tongue.
Like it? Hate it? Whatever!
For Once....

hehe... this should be fun!
Kick your shoes off and enjoy the ride!

September 24, 2008

Mom is in time out!

Hang on to your hats ladies....
Mom has been put in time out....
there may be a reason for that!